Monday, May 4, 2009


Reflection on the past has always been such an amusing thing to me. It baffles me the random events that always seem to take place. Things always happen to be either annoyingly predictably or just completely out of the ordinary. It’s always one extreme or the other, never any gray in the middle. Over the past few months quite a few things have changed in my life. Whether it was this English course or maybe just the warm weather, something seems to have pressed the refresh button on my brain.
Ever since my senior year in high school it has seemed literally impossible for me to wake up before 1:00 pm everyday. If I had school I would normally have to stay awake all night just to make sure I got to class, or else I knew I would sleep through it. Not being able to wake up was ultimately the main reason I failed my senior year and had to retake the class in summer school; twice. I feel as if I am a smart person; I just also happen to be very lazy and apathetic. It seemed so surreal, like it wasn’t actually me who had failed. I thought, “No, I’m too smart for this.” Maybe it was the fear of being perceived as an idiot that motivated me, but I have gained a heightened sense of responsibility. One day, out of nowhere, I woke up at 8:30 am feeling as if I had overslept. I was confused and shocked, but even more so when I started doing it every morning. With this I started thinking, “Well, this is the first step to getting my act together.” No matter how small a step it makes a huge difference. I’ve started feeling more energized and focused, and I’ve started to put more effort into my school work; I’ve always enjoyed writing anyway.
This course has helped me a great deal with my writing. I feel like I am much more able to organize my thoughts and convey them in a manner that is far easier for my readers to follow. I used to always have horrible writers block. Any literature would always take me forever to write, because the majority of the time I was staring at a blank word document wondering what the hell I should write. After learning about the three rhetorical appeals, I feel like it’s much easier to think of things to write, because I think of what I want my audience to be feeling at the moment and try to incorporate this with each message I want to send.
I definitely think the experiences I have had in this class were a huge influence on my responsibility. Being my first college course, it showed me how different things are than high school. Realizing that teachers aren’t going to baby me anymore pushed me to be more independent. I like how I had to keep track of due dates on my own. It helped me to stay on track, because I would check blackboard regularly causing me to think about school far more often than I would have otherwise. Being in a classroom full of intelligent students also motivated me, because I have always had a fear of looking dumb in other people’s eyes. I normally don’t care much what people think of me; however, unintelligent is one word I’d rather people didn’t use to describe me. It’s such a different environment; in high school students are far more unconcerned, while college students have paid for their courses so they care much more.
I have gone through drastic changes over the course of this semester. While this course and the fear of being the village idiot were major reasons, there were a number of different influences that have changed me. Being able to wake up early is probably the best thing that has happened to me in awhile. I feel like a much more responsible person, and feel as if I am getting a lot more accomplished.

1 comment:

  1. Like a lot of your other writing, this is powerful. You write about this idea of personal transformation well, in describing your evolution. Keep up the momentum as best as you can.